the destination, the process and the people...
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colours. And the people there see you differently, too..."
- Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
In Magpie Mind, I advise, not only about the fear of failure (which so often causes procrastination), but also about the fear of success.
This might seem strange at first, but read on.
Fear of success is the fear of change. When things start to go well with your aspirations, things in your life will naturally change. Once you realise what you’re capable of, you want to hold yourself, at the very least, to that standard. New opportunities come along - which means rearranging your priorities. Rearranging your life. Rearranging your relationships too...
Naturally, with all the changes happening in your outlook, there's a reshuffle in your circle of people. It’s difficult at first, and often sad when this happens, but you’ll find new friends whose interests and attitudes align more with your own.
Unfortunately, finding success on a new path often provokes difficult emotions in others, even those close to you. Especially if you’re walking a path they’d secretly like to take themselves. They’ll feel jealous of your drive to improve your writing and performance and resent any recognition you receive when your efforts pay off. They might accuse you of being competitive – when all that’s happened is that by doing well, your success has triggered this feeling in them.
My advice...
- Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
In Magpie Mind, I advise, not only about the fear of failure (which so often causes procrastination), but also about the fear of success.
This might seem strange at first, but read on.
Fear of success is the fear of change. When things start to go well with your aspirations, things in your life will naturally change. Once you realise what you’re capable of, you want to hold yourself, at the very least, to that standard. New opportunities come along - which means rearranging your priorities. Rearranging your life. Rearranging your relationships too...
Naturally, with all the changes happening in your outlook, there's a reshuffle in your circle of people. It’s difficult at first, and often sad when this happens, but you’ll find new friends whose interests and attitudes align more with your own.
Unfortunately, finding success on a new path often provokes difficult emotions in others, even those close to you. Especially if you’re walking a path they’d secretly like to take themselves. They’ll feel jealous of your drive to improve your writing and performance and resent any recognition you receive when your efforts pay off. They might accuse you of being competitive – when all that’s happened is that by doing well, your success has triggered this feeling in them.
My advice...
... don’t compete with anyone other than your past self. Comparing yourself to others simply misaligns your focus. If all you do is watch how others are walking, you’ll just end up tripping over your own feet. If others misunderstand your ambition to better your skills and misinterpret this you as wanting to be better than others, then that’s their own fears and insecurities talking.
Wish them well, distance yourself if necessary. Let them go. Open yourself to new possibilities – and to those who’ll be happy for you when you succeed. To those you can support who will support you too. It becomes a whole positive spiral.
Besides, it feels smashing to be happy for others’ success. On a psychological level, undermining others’ success undermines your own attitude towards success – and your chances of achieving it. Rather than begrudge others when they do well, I suggest you congratulate them wholeheartedly. Rather than think – ‘I should have got that, not them!’ reframe your thinking to consider why they did so well. Pause, reflect and set off again on your own way.
Remember to feel proud of yourself. It takes courage to head out past your comfort zone! Change is inevitable. The challenges presented by change? They’re worth it to journey the path that you’ve always wanted to. This writing thing is exhilarating! That feeling when you help something come into light that hadn't existed before, something beautiful and surprising and new … ooft!
I’m looking forward to helping a group of people with that tomorrow night (Tuesday). I’m planning up the first session on writing for wellbeing and I’m loving it because the joy of writing isn’t just about what you produce, it’s also about the benefits you feel in the process of writing.
There’s a spot left for you if you’d like to join us: https://figmentcreativity.com/workshops.html
Writing is fun, it’s magical and mysterious and joyful. But as with any craft, it’s not always easy. If it were, you wouldn’t be learning anything worth learning. So surround yourself with people who'll support you.
There are loads of cracking folk around. I’m grateful for every single one of you.
Happy writing everyone!
Laura
Wish them well, distance yourself if necessary. Let them go. Open yourself to new possibilities – and to those who’ll be happy for you when you succeed. To those you can support who will support you too. It becomes a whole positive spiral.
Besides, it feels smashing to be happy for others’ success. On a psychological level, undermining others’ success undermines your own attitude towards success – and your chances of achieving it. Rather than begrudge others when they do well, I suggest you congratulate them wholeheartedly. Rather than think – ‘I should have got that, not them!’ reframe your thinking to consider why they did so well. Pause, reflect and set off again on your own way.
Remember to feel proud of yourself. It takes courage to head out past your comfort zone! Change is inevitable. The challenges presented by change? They’re worth it to journey the path that you’ve always wanted to. This writing thing is exhilarating! That feeling when you help something come into light that hadn't existed before, something beautiful and surprising and new … ooft!
I’m looking forward to helping a group of people with that tomorrow night (Tuesday). I’m planning up the first session on writing for wellbeing and I’m loving it because the joy of writing isn’t just about what you produce, it’s also about the benefits you feel in the process of writing.
There’s a spot left for you if you’d like to join us: https://figmentcreativity.com/workshops.html
Writing is fun, it’s magical and mysterious and joyful. But as with any craft, it’s not always easy. If it were, you wouldn’t be learning anything worth learning. So surround yourself with people who'll support you.
There are loads of cracking folk around. I’m grateful for every single one of you.
Happy writing everyone!
Laura
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