This month as Stirling Makar has been a particularly interesting one. I've always been busy, but at a certain point, I didn't have to work so hard to push a rock up a hill. Then, suddenly, that rock took on its own gravity and rolled, sometimes faster than I could keep up with! Requests and fun opportunities came - and they keep on coming...
I'll always be grateful to to the Stirling Makarship for all the challenges and chances to learn that it has brought. But it's fair to say that I was pretty terrified when I got it. Physically shaking, in fact, when I came off the phone. Up to that point, I hadn't shared much of my poetry at all. I had a collection in the works with the wonderful Sheila Wakefield of Red Squirrel Press, but I hadn't submitted much of my poetry to magazines (to be fair subbing work takes a lot of time - and could almost be a full-time job in itself).
I applied because, for ten years, I'd been active in the writing community in Stirling and had a few ideas about what could be done to help. But it's not easy putting your head above the parapet, and I knew, after the stooshie that happened when the last Makar was appointed (a lovely, quiet gent called Clive Wright), that there would be a fair amount of criticism. I'd also be more in the public eye than before, under scrutiny and under fire. Thank goodness for all the great friends who've supported me along the way!
The poetry world is an intimate one. A small pool, full of fishes, and, as funding dries up, it's getting smaller. Inevitably, in these situations - those fishes nibble on each others' fins. A few have had a good chomp on mine over the years.
I've done what I've always done in the face of people who doubt what I might manage to achieve. I planted my feet, put my head down, worked bloody hard, and tried my best to prove them wrong. And I hope I have. The Makarship forced me to raise my game and I'm prouder of my writing than I've ever been. But I'm even more proud of having helped bring more poems by others into the world.
My term as Makar ends later this year and for a few months, I'll help the next Makar find their feet. If you'd like to help shape what they might do, please fill in the following online survey. It also gives you the chance to let us know what has worked (and not worked) for you over my tenure.
https://engage.stirling.gov.uk/en-GB/projects/stirling-makar-consultation
I normally, semi-jokingly - subscribe to the philosophy of 'Ask not what you can do for your Makar, but what your Makar can do for you.' - but in this case, I suppose I'm basically asking people to review what's been a huge part of my life over the last three years. Which is almost as terrifying as having applied in the first place.
There's a lot more goes on behind the scenes than people realise. While Stirling Council, the fantastic libraries staff, and other organisations have done their best to find funding to support the additional work I do: extra workshops, performances and writing, a sizeable portion of each week goes on what I voluntarily do to support and promote Stirling's writing communities. Meetings, emails, events, social media and advice.
There's a lot more I still want to do, and more that I've tried to do and been unable to fit in. Things I've tried to chivvy up funding for that haven't yet been successful. Sadly, there are only so many hours in the day and there's only so much one person can do. Despite that, I've been so chuffed to have had the chance to meet, write and perform with lots of wonderful folk. Being Stirling Makar has fairly broadened my horizons - and been a huge amount of fun!
In amongst all the commissions that have inspired me beyond my comfort zones, performances (including the chance to represent Stirling poetry at the Scottish Parliament!), and the singular moments, like having a poem projected up onto the Wallace Monument, there's been one thread that has woven through it all and pulled me ever-onwards. The importance of helping new and struggling writers. Of building a community of writers that support each other. I do it because I've been there too. I still feel like I'm a beginner, to be honest. Even a couple of decades in, the blank page still intimidates. I know that vulnerability of opening yourself out to others, sharing something you've felt strongly enough, moved enough, to write about. I know how important it is to have someone there to support you on those first new steps. If I've helped you in some small way, please take the time, a few minutes, to fill out the survey
If you're thinking of applying for to be the next Stirling Makar, go for it! It's truly been the most amazing experience.
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